My baby gyal life 

Sitting in this vehicle right now I’m convinced I’m not supposed to be living this type of life,the baby girl life is supposed to be my real calling (you cannot tell me otherwise). I’m supposed to be a baby gyal living the life people in my shoes dream of on a regular, you know, dinner in Tampa Florida coz I heard the weather is amazing in the evenings, lunch in Los Angeles only because they have excellent taste after all in wine and excellent cuisine. 

Why you would say am I convinced I’m supposed to be a baby girl, well for one if I was a baby girl I would have my own car which I won’t get to share with a burly elderly man who’s dedicated to using his elbow to destroy my developing mammary glands that have not yet reached their full potential. I won’t have to endure the pushes and lack of oxygen that is the usual in a huge bus, it doesn’t also help that I can never get to my destination in due time because the bus driver is dedicated in being an agent of the devil hence he has stopped at every bus stop in order to pick up more people to snuff out life out of me. 

Being a baby girl for life has been my life long dream because not only do I get to own my personal Benz, I’ve also always dreamed of owning a stereo player I can use to blast my ears with loud rap music and not the Chioma Jesus “Chukwu Oma”  song that is being played in this bus right now and this man is not even paying attention to my plight, he has refused to turn down the volume to this wacko😭. 

As an upcoming baby girl people of God, I have decided to live well and not just manage. So what I can’t make it to Tahiti this weekend to meet with Prince Harry for our planned getaway, I can always video call him to check if he’s still coming home, South Africa to be specific coz he remembers how much I gush about the country and want to tap into their hospitality and join notable business men in the hotel business and make a name in the Tourism sector. 

Being a baby gyal will definitely suit me coz education after all is not my strong forte. I just need a manager whose job is to be in charge of my life coz till this stage, I still do not know what I want to have as dinner when asked by my mom so it’s important I become a celebrity whose only job is being popular(nothing that requires talent please) and having mad money to multiply at different business opportunities. A wonderful manager who would tell me simple things to reply when asked gigantic questions, giving amazing replies like “no comment, next question”, “you will have to communicate with my management I’m sorry… “when asked ridiculous things. I would in a blue moon eat roasted “Oka and ube” with hawkers whilst having my pictures unknowingly taken by the paparazzi who also doubles as Linda IKEJI’s sources that came to see who Adekunle Gold is secretly meeting 😂 I certainly would have to sack her if she doesn’t keep my supply of zobo after all we had agreed I cannot do cocain coz I do not own a strong head and moreover I have no plans to become very useless in the long run. 

In this baby girl hustle, I get to decide how long I want to stay in bed without the unnecessary life hassles thrown at you normal people . Wizkid who is my new  neighbor is quite accommodating, a somewhat shy lad but what do I know? Yesterday he helped himself in when I was resting by the pool side I specifically requested to be behind the house because I cannot swim but I just need one to save face since everyone in this estate owns one. 

Sunday mornings would be very spiritual coz I  need to get in line with God the author and finisher of our faith after all. So, Sundays will always remain video call with the boyfriend (Abuja branch) we do need to get that Alhaji money you see and as a patriotic Nigerian I will be exercising my civic duty of participating in the politics of my country by dating a senator’s son who owns his own oil well😩what other way can I serve my country with all my heart and might?? Another video call to the boyfriend (Enugu branch), have you ever imagined dating someone from the abroad, what if Ibo people do get their Biafra? This means the relationship is already interracial. By God, you really need to see Enugu at night, there’s no way  I’m visiting without my boyfriend being by my side and showing me his beautiful city. The other most important call would have to be to the love of my life, my man friend residing in Denmark because of work and family. He is after all the crown Prince of the Danish people and I have to share the love of my life with his people. 

The next call would be from my family members. I am after all my father’s baby and my mother’s last born so you see I have to always report my whereabouts to them. I video call them after their Sunday  mass and feel bad I did not attend mass, convince my mother that the devil is not using me at all and I would make it up by attending evening benediction. I will also convince her my manager is not the Devil’s assistant and she’s not taking me away from the right path she and Daddy showed us all while growing up “Jesus Christ is still Bae momma” Discuss with Daddy why he has not eaten and blame it on my mother’s healthy diet food roaster she suddenly started dishing out so they would be healthy and fit. Another round of argument with my mother with why I’m looking skinny and also convince her I’m not starving myself in order to remain marketable but I am actually eating healthy like she wants me to, it’s just the gym work I’ve been doing that let’s me look this way ” I am fit momma…. (in my diva voice of coz) I’m not starving myself…” 

Soak up for close to 25 minutes while sipping this 25 year old wine Sir Lancelot gifted me last Christmas,finally shower while listening to Ciara’s “Dance like we’re making love” how spiritual can one get in a morning?? Dress up in a Victoria’s secret lingerie set I wear whenever I want to ogle at my body 😂have perfectly manicured nails, work myself an appetite, cook myself a large pot of Spaghetti. Go back to bed and roll myself some blunt, meditate and reason how the world came to be, why us humans remain an enigma. Smoke some sense into myself and knock off whilst eating my Spaghetti. Listen to J-Hus “common sense” album because that album would forever remain the shii.. 

Lazy Sunday afternoon, call up my sister coz I’m in need of love and attention that cannot be gotten from no one else but her. Listen to her talk all day of her escapades, while I listen attentively because next week I have to break her records and relay my adventures to her. I’ll definitely tell her, her Wizkid is finer in real life than what we see on TV, probably agree to her coming over to chill at my place whenever I know her wizzy is around. I’ll get to finally pick up my manager’s call I’ve been ignoring just because she is by my gate and give a flimsy excuse as to why I’m innocent and did not know she was the one calling me(we both know I was dancing to my ring tone Jagaban) listen to her complain about how I’m refusing to behave like a grown woman blah blah… of course I would not listen to the admonishment she’s giving me. Apologize and wear a shirt so as to conduct my business via video call to Prince Bashir in Dubia. His family almost control a part of the economy in his place. I’ll definitely not want to get on his bad side today and mess it up, His highness Prince Harry merely helped me coz I’m forever going be a pest to his life if I don’t get my way…

Campus!! campus!!  e naga Obolo?? … 

Arrghh… this bus driver is an evil spirit 😢he has spoilt my day dreaming as expected in this hard life we’re all living 😭😭 men are scum jeje👋😢 I still have chipped nails and I’ve still not blown, what’s the worst that can possibly happen??? 

Happy new month! 

#July 

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