You know how this life experts who apparently do not suck at living always say we should live our lives as though we just found out we are not pregnant (unwanted pregnancy at the moment that is) well, Aunty I just did. In fact every time I finish my adventure farm work with the mendem in my life, I come back to my room and weep whilst waiting for my frenemy at the end of the month.
So three weeks ago, after my once in awhile agricultural activities I render to the society, I’ve been living with panic attacks and it didn’t help that my much desired monthly period did not appear two weeks ago as expected. I can tell you I relived the moment of fun I had weeks ago over and over again to see where I went wrong. Like for sure, I was protected and I ensured he was also protected that’s when you minus the point where the CD decided to disappear for a little while. It never helped whenever I woke up each morning I had an evidence from the particular farm day. I deadass had Hickeys on my neck and chest, large red patch of skin showing to remind me of my sinful act every morning in the mirror after my morning devotion also mostly known as the moment I come to God humble a man begging for mercies. I really did beg you know, my pleas ranged from I promise to start going to church again and throw in a spice of weekly fellowship picking up from where I slacked in my Christian race. I promised to break up every ungodly relationship with mendem rather I would settle down with one man and And preach Jesus with and to him, drag him for fellowship basically the whole package of operation drag man closer to God. Christ!!, I promised to even delete my music folder and bring it up to date with Frank Edwards music (now that is a good man, I wonder where I can find him) and Chioma Jesus ;you know I’ve always known that woman can be my role model😩Bye bye to my Davido collection (God I love that man). The most heartfelt one was my promise to give my testimony if the good lord saved me from getting pregnant at my Sunday fellowship and drop my monthly allowance as a token of my love for God.
Last week was the worst week in my life because still nothing showed. I was running crazy with options, I had two mostly. Keep the child or be done with the foetus, ohhh be done with the pretence because we all have thought/spoken of abortion every now and then. My option of keeping the child was my second option incase I do terminate the foetus and it ends up being as headstrong as I am and decides to mean me by coming to full term and I deliver of it and he/she comes out with the pills in clenched fists proving to me that God has won the battle. Baby names like Augusta, slyvanus, Bonaventure were already picked by me because surely he/she was not going to have it easy with me, coupled with the fact he/she would have no Daddy. It did not help that my bestfriend was already calling herself an aunty to the unborn child, she seriously started saving money for diapers (I jeje agree The girl is insane) saying being prepared is still the best option.
Truthfully, I never thought of keeping the child because having a Pastor as my Dad alone meant I was about becoming the family’s disappointment. A disgrace to my father as a Dad first of, a disgrace to his office as a man of God and winner of souls for the Big man up there. His preachings hammers on the ills of premarital sexual relations and this sin I had engaged in definitely tagged him as being deceitful, if he cannot control his own child what gave him the right to dictate to other youths on how to live their lives.
Me becoming my family’s shame is certainly not going to be my yoke so I decided within me that I was going to terminate the pregnancy if I eventually was pregnant. I became best friends with Google, it’s amazing what you can find on the Internet once you put your mind to it, no need for drastic measures like drinking Kerosene, swallowing #200 pack of paracetamol and I’m indubitably not taking Alomo mixed with salt, Andrews liver salt and small engine oil(I can as well shoot myself and have them claim I was caught in a cross fire between police and the cultists). I Googled a particular pharmacy where I could get the pills at Enugu, definitely was not about to get the pills in a place where I’m known and my father’s name being a popular one would certainly put me in trouble before I even started my hustle. I was well read with the side effects, method of taking the drugs and a medical Personnel on speed dial if by chance anything goes wrong. The only problem with this plan now was I was having various appointments in school so just upping and going to enugu almost seemed drastic hence my second option in my terminating the child saga was engaging in vigorous sporting activities, hiking and mountaineering, unknowingly falling down the 4 flights of stairs at my friend’s place, being hit by a bike blah blah things like that,maybe just maybe I could be free from being a mum.
Fast forward to last week Thursday, a random person said I was looking fatter. In my head this already confirmed my pregnancy status, I did not want to be rational by adding up that pregnancy weight gain do not happen within a week. I was practically eating every little thing I could get my hand upon another little characteristic of being pregnant. The storyline here is last weekend my period finally came through and my high blood pressure has finally calmed down, all glory be to God people of God because despite our unfaithfulness He remains faithful 😂 First thing Sunday morning, I went to church for my appreciation you know, dropped offering, threw in tithe for next Sunday I would be unable to attend church service and danced and sang praises like David did you get. At Church my preacher said we should always thank God for things he has done for us instead for always asking for things, I keyed into that preaching too, thanked God proper that day even decided to engage on the task of Writing down things I’m thankful for. So, here I am yet again in this man’s room(No, he’s not my boyfriend) thanking God for the month of May from protecting me from the mami water people at my lodging, thanking God for providing me with money to pay for subscription, thanking God for helping me attend lectures, thanking God for giving my father strength to keep being a Pastor someone despite our faults(My faults), thanking God that my Shakara have not end and finally for making fine mandem to be around my area so we can keep on exchanging instagram handles so our DM paroles can keep being lit.
Thank you God, thank you my personal person I really ask that you give me the strength not to engage in my hoeing activities when I drop this phone down because my lawwwd, this is one fine piece of man staring at me and having an almost oyibo baby has always been my dream.