As an average Nigerian in my own part of Nigeria, recession is not just a word as my Auntie Kemi claims. When the elections were ongoing, we were forming hard guy anyhow but now hmm we have swallowed our pride gan, please what is pride? Last year, we were balling anyhow, eating Rice and stew, Yam and stew even had mind to clear bread with stew. Mogbe, only God knows how it was doing me that year o. Then God catch us, farmers could not provide tomatoes again, I’m serious 6 pieces of tomatoes was #500 Naira at the Junction and that was because Aminu is our customer. I respected myself jeje and convinced myself Jollof has always been bae, why do I want stew when tomatoes paste is just #50 and a pack is enough to cook 3 cups of rice if I add small geisha,enough pepper and small crayfish. I would be happy, my dear right now I am happy. Stew is reserved for Sundays alone, cook on Saturday package yourself for two weeks before you think of preparing another stew. You will not die, I’ve tried and tested it biko.This sudden hard life did not end there,shop owners increased sachet water to #10 for room temperature and #20 for cold water ahhh ahhnn kuku sell me join. I move about with this Swan bottle in my bag now with previously boiled tap water like my mom used to boil for us when we were little. She claimed she blesses the water whenever my siblings and I complained. I need to bless myself now o, I cannot come and die biko.
In my part of Nigeria, the only thing keeping our spirits up is the social media, when egbon Mark Zuckerberg showed small face I couldn’t believe it. Not as though I have given up on my Nigeria but I was surprised he was believing in my Nigeria I’ve been preparing mind to cross small border and leave behind, plus he still gathered Liver to go for morning Jogging without fear of being kidnapped. Mbanu, No now either that man is half Ibo from his mother’s side of the family or hunger has finally gotten to my people down East. Last month I was at my village preparing for my grand uncle’s burial, even small palm oil gallon is #1850, that is #2000 already now no need to calm my temper that #150 change would help me Small. Last holiday my father was using a Techno phone, I got home this holiday he’s using my mother’s old Nokia torchlight,this happens to be the first phone my mom bought when President Obasanjo was still in power. My mom was laughing when I asked “Daddy what happened to your phone?” she jokingly told me “Nne, recession has hit your father”. That they were both laughing assures me that at least we won’t die of hunger, no matter what happens man must chop. Some weeks back I saw a Nigerian billionaire with a small Nokia phone I don’t care o if it’s his second phone as far as he’s using it, I’m impressed what is iPhone7? My whole Daddy, recession “chukwu ekwela” (God forbid).
The part recession hit me was my sallah meat part. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish my Muslim friends, we’ve been grinding since we were all little but recession hit us where it pains the most. I did not get my sallah meat because “babu kudi a cikin gari”(there’s no money anywhere) imagine a whole sallah without meat, I cried a bit because I started regretting all the meats I was forming for before. Sallah selfies was limited sef because some very beautiful souls could not afford to get new clothes for the sallah, had to make do with last year’s own.
Despite all these issues that have prevailed my people in my part of Nigeria, I’m glad to say no matter what happens this recession has not totally ripped us of our happiness. We still smile at silly jokes made by Abbah,Bolu fell from her bicycle yesterday and we all laughed before we helped her, that’s our form of moral support to her and she knows it. I still howl with laughter at twitter bants that goes on on my timeline, we’re all in this together but each day a different stranger turned friend makes me know I’m not alone. At least a celebrity would re-tweet my thought and make my day, lol it doesn’t happen everyday but if you know Adekunle Gold please tell him to forgive me nah for illegally downloading I swear I don’t have money to purchase on iTunes. Even the price of dollar is paining my body because I stupidly changed those bills Aunty Caro gave me in 2009.I purchased Oranges the other day and the fruit vendor told me it was #200 for four because Dollar has added. Biko how? Did you import it? Does she think I cannot climb tree, there’s nothing like big girl, I would climb. Nowadays, when things don’t go my way, I no longer have the strength to blame Buhari because as my Dad would say, God is in control,don’t worry. I’m not worried because I don’t want my doubting faith to go and spoil the improvement that is going to take place in my Nigeria. Please I’m also appealing to my friends that plan on getting married, asoebi should not be expensive anyhow nah, if my hand no reach please you people should plan how we can wear the anko to like three weddings, thank you. God bless your Union in advance. Recession equals packaging, I’ve not married Ycee yet so just keep calm for me okay. I would soon blow and things would be much better, Amen.
P.S: thus is such a late post, I apologize. Happy new month lovelies.