Devon is everything you can ask for in a boyfriend once you decide to look it over, he’s tall,he’s light skinned,he’s got serious abs(yes, please we all know why I fell and why am still falling) has your typical bad boy image working for him, has the swag it’s fit to say that boy can pull off any outfit on that gorgeous body of his and an inflated ego along with the whole package. Yes that body happens to be all mine too. We bumped into each other in our first year first semester to be precise and he stuck like a tick. Typical kid from a rich family hence the pride that usually goes along with those sort of people coupled with a flock of girls drooling over the young man. I’ll like to think they were only after his money because his attitude couldn’t bring in 2 cents if you wanted making money off him, don’t get me wrong that is still the case till this day with other girls. Does it affect me? Why, yes. Reason, well it gets to a time when a girl is tired of pretending to be cool with everything that goes on in her boyfriend’s life I had gotten to that place. It didn’t help he had an awesome first name to help his market,who in Nigeria for heaven’s sake names his kid Devon?Ostentatious if you ask me, whatever happened to naming your son David or Jesse even the Queen named her beloved son Charles. Do I love him you may ask, probably too much for my good. His smart, yeah he’s an engineering student so yes he’s also good at proving he’s better at life than I ever would be. Dazzling CGP, rich family, good looks, intelligent, proud, most successful at life already, no am not bitter I just wish I can be also set for life as he is. Truthfully I feel like a failure when I’m with him which is a familiar feeling. How do I fit into all this? People admire when we’re together but they don’t know what it feels like being me. Envy, yes am used to that too it just gets tiring. But this is not about me, it’s about my Vee.
These past months have been torture, he’s battling with finals,project topics, lecturers, awards night, people the lot. Am left to deal with his mood, his frustrations, tiredness…I’m left to manage the tension for us both, the tension between us. He hit me again last night. No don’t be shocked, it happens once in awhile thank God. I know it’s my fault, I got him angry. He said am too needy, a new habit I’ve picked up and it’s disgusting . I’m not meant to encroach on his space, I shouldn’t be in his face everytime either. When I am needed then I show up not before. Now I no longer see the need to beat up or threaten other girls who try to steal my man away. Am silently begging, it’s a voiceless scream,my voiceless scream,I am shouting for help but they are all too busy with their own lives. Pretentious lives we’re all not yet tired of if you ask me.
Last month I broke my nose. He broke it actually because Ayodeji spoke to me practically the whole night while he was dancing with two other girls. This one was also my fault, he said I was not being responsible and no man expects irresponsibility from his wife.I’m better, doesn’t hurt as much and it’s nothing a little makeup won’t fix. I’m not yet his wife and why am I meant to be responsible when he’s not practicing it too. I can’t leave him because I love him and 4 years it’s a long time, I can’t start anything with someone else. I know this because I keep telling myself that and there is no one who can love me like Vee does. I don’t want to leave him because surely he would come around eventually. He has to because without him am lost.
Last night I went out with my girls and he kept calling me to come over to his place because he had planned something for the both of us.I didn’t show up on time as planned, I lost track of time with the girls at the party we attended. Cynthia’s my bestfriend, so we decided to escort her to this guy’s party. She’s into him so as expected we all went to give moral support and have fun. I had way too much fun though and I forgot to tell him. I got to his place late and a little tipsy and it flared him up and he slapped me for being irresponsible as usual. He used his left hand to push me and I fell and hit my face at the edge of the wall. He picked me up and beat me with his belt and a wooden award he won in 100 level for being the most reserved fresher on campus. Haha, the irony of it all. I couldn’t stand from the floor, he lifted me and placed me gently on the bed. I can feel him shaking, he’s crying and apologising at the same time. Saying he’s sorry, deep down I know he is but I can’t speak out. This pain I feel is blinding, I swear I feel I’ve broken my ribs. I remember during camp in primary school and I fell from the mountain and bruised myself all over, this pain can be compared to the pain felt then. I’m immobile, as mute as ever. God please let me die.
Turns out life is a bitch because I didn’t die as I wished yesterday,i could only manage to faint. This morning I’m looking into Vee’s eyes, the despair in them. Have I told you he has honey colored pupils, I get lost in them everytime and now is no exception. He’s apologizing I think but I don’t really know why he’s sorry because his lips are also distracting me. He admits to being a coward, ohh darling I know. No need spelling it out again, I’ve forgiven him because I love him and that’s what people in love do right? I just want to go back to my room and sleep, take a long bathe, apply a lot of concealer because this black eye is not leaving anytime soon and go for my 2:00pm lecture. Susan was asking what being Vee’s girlfriend feels like the other day, frankly I wish she could see this and draw out conclusions for herself.