All We Have Is Now…

This week has been the longest and most draining week in my history of annoying weeks. School is hard, Entrepreneurship is harder, the country is draining my very existence and my emotions have been spiralling out of control all week long. I’ve been the sore thumb everyone is weary about. My friends are scared to talk to me lest they offend me more than I already am. This is no fault of mine, the universe just surely hates me and constantly at work with my village members. I’ve been all range of anger whilst displaying my village drama to anyone who pays me any attention and yet this man is still here. Still on this bed with me and that in itself makes me feel good while still feeling terrible because being a bitch to the ones who love you do not deserve a pat on the back.
All week my feeds, chats and timeline have been filled with stories of failed marriages, Yoruba men being what they really are and the generalization that love is not for the weak. Definitely marriage is also not for me. I don’t have it in me to play dumb to any man…and yet I’m here in bed with this man.

Hello I’m Oge and I’m emotionally unavailable. Don’t judge me yet you do not know my story but it doesn’t matter because I’m not telling it either. I’m only here to tell the story of why I think I love this man and I hope he understands it. We’ve been seeing each other for almost a year and in a year I’ve been the hard guy. Ours was a business arrangement, “Scratch my back and I scratch yours”. No expectations. No false promises and reassurances cause we do not need to lie to each other about feelings we both do not have other than the fact we have turned to glorifying fornication.

Fornication noun

FORMAL•HUMOROUS
sexual intercourse between people not married to each other.

Our arrangement did not require us to play house and for that I’m grateful. No need for the world to be privy to who we were having wild sessions with and whose bed we woke up in the next morning.
Law broke the rules first. “Law” cause that’s what I call him and that’s how I broke my first rule too. Giving ourselves names. Law for Lawrence. He started out with giving me gifts on our official first date…this man who I am staring at whilst he’s fast asleep. He sleeps as though he’s fighting for something or someone in his sleep. There are lines on his forehead, I want to kiss the worry off his brows but that would mean me waking him up. He’s super alert like that. I was pleasantly surprised when he did that and as cliché as it sounds he got me cake on that day saying, “You’re so hard to read and I didn’t know what to get you, so we would have to make do with this”. The year has been draining but he has been that little ray of light peeping into the darkness that is my life. People abuse the term being depressed but I’ve lived through depression. Have I thought of turning off the switch to my life? Certainly. Have I envisioned various methods of leaving this place? Yes and I’m still of the opinion carbon monoxide oozing from my “I better pass my neighbour” generator locked in the room with me tops the list of painless deaths. This is not a cry for help so do not fret just yet.
I’ve had more laughs with him than I have had in my twenty some years of living. Sitting in his car having meals makes the perfect date. I once had a mental breakdown and well, you can guess who came running to save me from myself. This man. This man snoring lightly by side holding me tightly so I don’t vanish. We do have this inside joke you know, about the real reason he holds me tightly while we sleep. It’s definitely because he doesn’t want me stealing from him. It’s hilarious but I was the one who thought of the joke. He simply guffawed when I told him the joke and called me “his little 5 feet 4 inches worth of crazy”.
This day is no different from all other situations I’ve gotten myself in. I was having the longest of weeks with things not working out and going my way. I’ve lost count of the day I last had breakfast…ohh…wait…that was on Friday. I was sad and not responding properly to basic human behaviour and this man came to pick me up. I have no idea how my toiletries came to be in his car but we found ourselves here in Enugu. The air here is relatively different. We drove 3 hours to get here and I have no idea how I agreed to this madness.

“You need a break”, he said. “I do not enjoy seeing you like this, it’s like you’re here but your spirit is no longer with me. I want your spirit back and I don’t know but three days is all I have to give you right now okay?”. “Please work with me…”
I’m here now. Working with him. Working to get my spirit back. Working because he doesn’t deserve this drama I give to him. Working because I want my spirit back. Working because I think I love him and I need him to have the better version of me. Enugu has been surreal. I’m getting myself back gradually. Today is the third day, we’re leaving first thing tomorrow. We’ve been everywhere, we’ve spent the nights in bed together and its not about sex. He sees me and he brings me back to life…
Like all good things in my life I’ll have to kill him though before he kills me. For now I would keep laying down here with him. All we have is now…

To be continued
–Happy New Year

xoxo

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Dear Old age I will not look at my mates please.

You never realize how funny life really is till she plays a fast hand at you. I described life as a female because like it’s gender, it is dynamic in nature. Dynamism means it is subtle to change. However the concept, change is constant and change is good. One minute you are seated with pals discussing what life holds. The next you are living the life you spoke about. It’s change coz no longer are you seated but acting out the verb; living.

I’m 23 now, in 2 weeks time I’ll probably be 24. “Probably” because my momma makes a conscious effort to double my age so I get up and leave her house instantly and start out at my own version and episodes of life.

I’m 23 now and despite the fact half the time I feel I’ve failed and sucked at life, I have a rather clear conscience which reminds me of the small but somewhat great strides I’ve put up and accomplished for myself.

When I was 16, I planned by 23 I would be called to bar whilst also serving my country which means 5 years university, 1 year Law school at Kano Law school and 1 year mandatory youth service. Rather at 23, I studied political science for 4 years,whilst also counting the mandatory 1 and half years my school dedicates to wasting your life. That one year wastage should be filled with something to better your life by yourself. In my case, my mother urged me to learn basic entrepreneurial skills because in my country after getting a degree my government welcomes a fresh group of graduates into the “No Job” available sector.
My friends with which I made these plans with are either at law school, done with youth service, employed or married with kids. In all these happenings, I didn’t forget what the real goal was though. Am I happy with myself? Yes. Am I happy for my friends? Yes. At 23, I’m listing my gains.
I got a degree from a reputable university. I studied political science for four years and I look forward to having my masters in either “International relations”, “War Studies/military studies” or even “Political economy” once I convince myself I can do it. I am after all my mother’s daughter. I can do whatever I set my heart to do and accomplish and break barriers that have been set up to derail my kind.
I am going to serve my country in due time. I am set to embark on a second degree cause the first was just to show me just how dynamic my strengths are.

At 23, I discovered my strengths in various fields. I discovered my weaknesses too. I realized it’s okay to take a break from everything cause my mental and physical health is important, it doesn’t make me a failure. I discovered at 23, this body is never going down I should accept it the way my bones have agreed to set. It’s time to stop lying to the gym instructor whenever he calls I’ll be coming by the studio soon. Na fat I fat, I no kill person. At 23 I discovered I have an insatiable sweet tooth, well guess who learned to bake? Yup, you answered right. At 23 I lost a few good people but I also gained a few good people too, I became better at maintaining relationships. At 23 I finally agreed not everyone can understand me but don’t be mistaken a baby girl is still loved by these people albeit secretly😹. At 23 I discovered my bad habits, let’s all agree we’re working on them. At 23 I also finally agreed New year resolutions for me na every day thing, the Lord’s grace would see me through.

At 23 I had a fair amount of shed tears, felt pains, beautiful laughter and unrivalled grace that saw me through the drama that was 2018. People keep saying it was a trying year this year, it’s almost agreeable but I’ll debate it. 2018 was the year for testing of strengths and best believe I made it.

To the special people who made 2018 worth it, thank you.

Dynamic. Excellent. Icon
xoxo

-datHausaibogeh

Why do men choose to be Scum?

Those of you without boyfriends do not know what the Lord has done for you. It is really a celebratory thing hence do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You may be challenged by this crazy obsessive boyfriend people; talk about how do you manage without having someone to cuddle with while you sleep? How do you open your hard jars? Who zips down your dress when you can’t reach it?? The best yet is when you’re asked “who likes and gasses up your instagram posts?” <insert eye roll> It doesn’t help too the WHO terms single people as being disabled. Just wow.

Do not sweat it though coz beneath all the brouhaha couples put up for us to see and feel oppressed, they have it hard biko. For God’s sake, can you imagine having to share suya and masa with another person every other time you buy? Having to be in despair when the issue of buying food comes into play all because your significant other doesn’t like onion?? Ohh the horror. Worse, when your Plus-One is an overgrown baby who demands holding of body parts every second of the day?? Don’t heat affect you though dear man? I really want to know…arrrghhh.

Now you see, being in a relationship is hard work. This baby girl cannot decide to be a baby tiger on her own accord. This baby girl has to deal with waxing and shaving every other day(don’t ask me why removal of body hair is almost essential abeg.I do not know,it’s not from my blog or mouth you’ll derive your information from). A baby girl cannot decide to wear boxers underneath her gown, lacy frills every moment coz you really are a gift that should be offered with ribbons and frills. Also, these days it denotes being sexy or more appealing, boxer short is a turn off.
As a partner in a relationship do you know the amazing offers you miss out on just because a steady man is in the picture?? No, of course you don’t. You’re almost imprisoned😭😂 for sake of world peace baby girl, you are not allowed to have new friends or give out your number to New investors. You are not obligated to getting offers from kind men in malls and their lots, no other man is allowed to offer to pay for stuff you buy. You’re not even permitted to flirt or wink at random men who open doors for you too and this is not because you’re suddenly a strong black independent woman. You can’t reply amazing Dms on the gram. The worse of it is being unable to shout “Yeah Yeah” when Wizkid calls out all the single ladies in the house should say yeah yeah…do you really want to offend your manager in the concert hall?? Arrghhh…the horror😭 Ohhh…did I make mention of how it’s not allowed you hug another male for 0.25seconds longer than necessary?? Yasss, that too lest your 26years old baby starts doubting you and throwing insecurity down your throat.
P.s: Dear Male reading this, I do hope you discover on time I’m not bashing your gender here abeg. It’s therefore not allowed to attack me😏💖 I have a man with 3 other steady men, I’m not bitter please.
Anyhow, I’ve been nagging all week coz man friend offended my peace of mind this week. I’ve not seen man friend in a year and I’ve been holding myself down for the longest coz “Black Men(me) don’t cheat”- Travis Scott 2018.
The man friend is a Doctor(which is an added advantage by the way coz he knows the essential parts of the body that should be taken care of with immense dedication) and he has been busy saving the world one medical book at a time, hence his being unavailable the entire year. He informed me of his coming over by the weekend to spend time with the EBUBE(a-Boo-Bae) of his life, Me. I decided to plough the farmlands you know, threw away my old tools, got new work clothes. Some fine ass lacy materials, was destroying my Google search history with reasons why eating pineapple this period was essential, gaddemit I even got a new scent coz we were born ready mehnn and God forbid I disgrace my village people and my ancestors before me. The Man friend finally came through, twas all shades of emotions please. He decided to spend the first day with his mendem and the next day was dedicated to me. We began my day on a high note,I had a LBD on coz I’ve got to be the highest cheerleader here😂 We stepped out for the day and boomm…his crazy ass superior decided to page him about some important shiit that came up at his life work……jfkdkfjfbfkfbdknd…and yet y’all keep wondering why Taraji Henson went crazy in that lousy ass movie Robert was supposed to die in.
My man friend had to leave. He left my ass high and dry dammit😒 Igbo boys are supposed to be amazing for God’s sake😭😭

Fine ass LBD that didn’t use its glory…

The point of this story dear one is, stay single. You have no idea how amazing your life is without having useless expectations that will always be ruined coz MenareScum..
P.s: Oh and yes, I started losing my eggs the very day so thank God for small blessings.
Stay single and flourish with investors gathered left,right and centre. Shine dear Queen.

With love and kisses😂,

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GUIDE TO BEING A BADASS SANTA

Hello love,

It’s been 11 months and few days since we last communicated. It’s my fault really, I’ve been having life happen to me and already you know life can come at you real quick. I’m living so I feel it’s only best we forget my absence and focus on the present. Yes??
The holiday season is upon us and if you’ve been following my stories in the past years,you would remember I’ve always dreamed of being a fashion and lifestyle influencer😂. Thank you present day social media for making my dreams do come true💃💃✌ I’ve decided to make this first blog post of the year to center on lifestyle influencing and not some deep story depicting my troubles😂
This blog post would be a perfect guide on what to get as a not so regular Christmas gift for your loved ones and also people who really do not top your to do list if you grab my jerk😏.
P.s; Dear significant other,if your argument for not planning to get me Christmas gift is “but you’re not Jesus na…blah blah” best believe I’ll speak to my Father in heaven using John 16:24 into play. Now go make a baby girl happy ok??
LIST OF ITEMS YOU CAN GET AS GIFTS THIS YEAR INCLUDE;
1. Face Scrubs ; Honey best believe most girls need and want face scrubs😭 It’s a really thoughtful gift yuno.

2. Scented Candles ; Incase your girlfriend is bottie by default setting. It’s romantic too.(do not question my romance bar here thank you)
NOTE: Dear sister of mine, ensure you do not get me candles as Christmas gifts coz I will pour you water. Thank you mami💖
3. Books ; Personally I think if your girl reads, you’ve got yourself a real one my guy😭✊ Hence, getting first editions or signed copies of her dream books would ensure you FAPATAYA and Babeje😭 I refuse to translate my Yoruba. Do the needful my guy😂😂✊
4. Johnny Drille’s living room session at Abuja😭 ; This is definitely an important gift my nigga, very important.

5. Cinema outings : especially to see Aunty Kemi Adetiba’s “King Of Boys” and also that Chief Daddy movie with Falz starring in it.
6. Perfumes : Certainly trying to make your loved one smell like akpa ego is a Hunnid. And like your fairy godmother who comes through at the 11th hour,I won’t leave you out to dry hence these are names of Perfumes you can get your Oga o –
-Creed Aventus
-Gucci Flora
-Si intense/Armani
-Amouage Interlude
-Opus IV Amouage etc etc…you’re welcome.

Lmaoooo…after seeing current prices, the good Lord would just have to bless your pockets in Jesus mighty name🙏
7. Accessories : So it doesn’t seem as though I’m fighting for a specific gender. Dear Female, good thing you can forfeit your year salary my sister. Get the young man a timeless state of the art wristwatch coz my Prodigal lover did say Wristwatches make you look real smart. He does look smart so lets take his word for it. Get the man a Hublot😂😂 or and an original Belt I guess coz some people are just wired so simple…etc abeg
8.Wine: Please this year was a long strong one and to survive the holiday season my niccvr,people just tend to become a personal brewery. Save your loved ones stress abeg. Be their calm😭this line is dedicated personally again to my sister abeg. Gimme wine biko😭I’m finally turning 20 again.
Carlos rose wine,Drostdy Hof claret select wine.etc etc Google good wines abeg. It would dull your loved ones memory to reason why you just couldn’t get a better Christmas gift🙌

9. Time,Love and Attention: Dear one, already you do know this season would be hectic for your girl. You already know she would be involved heavily in frying chinchin, baking and frying animals coz her mother won’t just let her shine in peace, why don’t you be her peace my nigga? Give the sister your love and attention greatly this period coz nerves would be breaking down anyhow. If she says someone is an ass please support her and listen attentively ok?? (Still get her a gift too if you do not want to be unfortunate abeg.)
P.s: You know you can decide to give her a huge rock so she peppers her village people on instagram too, then Nwoke collect the ring back in February and claim Buhari for damages abeg if he wins the elections again😭😭 (It’s not on my blog you read this please)

I was open to options on the best gifts to get during the coming Christmas season. I took a research with my friends and all I can tell you dear people of God is low-key, we are all igbo people by default setting😂🙌 and I need new friends too abeg. Hence, best Christmas gift is
10. Iji ego?? – Nye Ola gi ezigbote ego. Wound her with plenty money nna😂

Love & kisses💖
-datHausaibogeh

Do tell, what do you want as a Christmas gift all ye deputy Jesus??

Thanksgiving chronicles; World tour lavida local!

Appreciation post Day 28.

This year was amazing, why? Well,coz this year I embarked on my world tour and the good Lord was faithful. He kept me safe throughout the trips I embarked on. Lol,the testimony is very late but I’m super grateful to God for keeping me from 2013 to 2017,from protecting me on the road trips I took from my father’s house in the abroad to my torture camp which doubles as my tertiary institution in the other part of these people’s country. He never let me experience any ill luck on the high way,saved my little life from robbers on the night trips I took, He took the wheels each and every time a pilot decided to be the driver when I’m not traveling to London by road😭. He never left me stranded and for this I am most grateful💪
Forward to my world tour I took 2 months ago, the story begins…as a baby girl that I am rightfully to be but being pre-broke right now is spoiling my shine, the good Lord decided to provide funds for me to live the good Life. As a child of the Father and I did not want to fall into peer pressure and being too proud, I resisted from putting world traveller, travel blogger and attaching my e-mail to signify business only in my bio😭the things I do to remain humble sha😭it’s because of you people oo. I just want you guys to know now I’m an Ajala. I have crossed border, I have crossed bridge, I have eaten foreign delicacies(I have eaten amala,it’s not my native meal hence it’s foreign o😭).I am foreign. We are not mates oo,thank you.

My world tour picked up at Uturu in Abia state and exchange of convertible took place at Okigwe in IMO state (if you sat with me in the Bus I boarded and you say feeeem…it’s all over for you oo so ki yin shuru). Yes,my dear friend it was a BMW convertible😭such wonderful motor. It was a wonderful trip dear people of God and we stopped over at Asaba my mendem community💪did stuff blah blah. Stopped over at Edo again for another something like that😫then we finally made it to you people’s other abroad😭.

The land every contact on my Snapchat app drops geo-filter for. Nnem nà nnam,I finally made it to Lagos😭and I saw…very terrible things(in Buhari’s voice).

All of them in Lagos are mad o,hiann. They all have photocopied lives at home but they’ve not yet informed the rest of the country to be aware of the recent development nii o.

People of God, if you don’t have it in you to be a cultist/tout, you can and will not survive iyo. Just see na,innocent abroad girl like me finally thought to shift to Lagos and I realized those lagosians are my seniors.

Blah blah we move forward, my Lagos story will come another day.

P.s; Y’all don’t play yourself,the kosai at Ibadan is😭😭😍😍😍my God!

As a plug that I am, let me connect y’all to where you get good food ko.

 

Lagos; Everything there is nice😭especially that woman who sells her bread and ewa goyin😭(I hope I spelt correctly)

Ibadan; Gbegiri like this😭father in heaven and kosai(akara) of course.

Ekiti; ??

Delta ; Starch and gum soup with sapele water😍if yuno yuno

Abuja; the entire city just smells and Taste’s of good life like this. The baby girl life,shuga baby life…
Enugu; opa dikwa ezigbote okwu😍etc
Thank you Lord for 2017,I look forward to great things in 2018🙏❤

Thanksgiving Chronicles; Friends with home training!

I am grateful today for those friends who visit our houses and suddenly become very good people. You think it’s me you’re doing😭wawu.. Thank you my baby girl of life🙏

South shout to y’all mehnn,you are a girl’s favourite person in the world after zobo.

Let me give you a good example edakun. One time my very good friend blah blah came to the house o and from the moment mama stepped through my father’s gate,I knew the weekend was going to be a long one. Who else visits her friend’s house with loose jeans,long top,scarf and jacket in her arms for incase situation😭. For chrissakes,this Aunty was putting on a shirt dress in her snap story and she left Southern  Fried Chicken eatery a while ago dressed like that,how did she change outfits so quick? Anyway, we walk to my Dad’s sitting room where he sat with his wife discussing how I want to become useless with my life(all because I did not come back for holidays with my school books) I was not done with introducing the young lady o to the family, next thing I heard was “O Daddy,good afternoon Sir” and someone hugging my mother “mummy,mummy good afternoon, how is work ma?” My shock never complete till I came to a somewhat deep realization that all these greeting was done with her on her knees😭😭Obara Jesus🙆 I swear down till today I’ve not seen the size of that grin on either of my parrnts faces oo😂😂 

My guy,the thing be say I shock gan.For real,who does that?😂😂 I drag her ass to my room still in shock o then my momma calls me,still smiling she tells me to go serve my friend food. Normal thing,I bring the rice o,momma provide Chicken,prepared salad there there😭plantain and still gave me her cherished bottle of “Pure Heaven” to give my very friend. I went on with the flow after swearing for my friend for providing me with chores. My parents were sooo happy.

Mama chop finish,next thing she comes to thank my parents for the food provided, kneeling down yet again(displaying home training up and down) initial rubbish continued.

She insists on helping me take her used plates to the kitchen (who likes stress).I did not let her beg two times I gave her her load to take to the kitchen. Naso o,aunty carried her plates, washed her plates,wiped my momma’s kitchen, swept and still mopped the kitchen.😂😂🙆🙆 The point here is,the good Lord knows I would not have mopped that kitchen at that moment thus he sent me a helper😭see,when the Lord wants to bless you,he surprises you to silence😂😂😂my Jehovah Overdo💪💪 Agú na che mbà!!

You really think it’s me your doing by displaying excess home training inside my own father’s house,such a wow.. My sister, your brother/male cousins will still like me without my home training I only reserve when nobody is around.. Last last abi we’re still single together??😂😂kolework o!

P.s; I swear I am ever happy and dance filled whenever my friends with home training visits😭😂it’s like you dunno you’re playing yourself😂😂ohh no baby… What is you doing?? 😂😂 My brothers are married😂my mother can not refer you to any man oo, highest they wee talk about your home training

Moral of this story is; Don’t let your penalty enter throwing

Happy Holidays people❤ 

Thanksgiving Chronicles; This is it series with Lowla_dee

I am grateful to the most high for momma bear @_lowla_dee for a lot of reasons but I will try to make it as short as possible. Thank you ma for blessing me with “This is it” seasons 1 to 2,every episode shown was a blessing to me but you do not understand.

Knowing the little I know about you,I do believe there is indeed a God who rules from up above. From the production process to the viewing process every progress and step made is a testimony. Thank you for being an example of how faith works once you leave it all to God🙏

Few people amongst my people know that amongst my greatest fear,”the fear of commitment which leads to marriage “tops my list.. Ohhh save the drama,I was not emotionally damaged as a child. Don’t find yourself in my DM offering condolences, na my fear let’s not argue ownership.

This is it is a story of young people who are working hard for their relationships to come through. I was introduced to Dede (who If I do say so myself half the time behaves like me😭) being asked for her hand in marriage and by God I was scared incase she refused Tee’s request, but she knew Tomide was and is all she would ever need.

Falling in love and being in love is a different wahala on it’s own.In this generation in which I exist, I’ve seen marriages and relationships I’ve literally shouted goals to,crash at the slightest provocation, which hardened my resolve on marriage not being as amazing as our parents play  it to be. Dede and Tomide proved to me that marriage ought to be forever and whenever things plan on getting tight, I should always try to remember why and who I fell in love with at the first instance and fight to get that person back coz it’s never really about me anymore, it is US now. Don’t sleep on the issue o jare, life is too short!

“This is it” taught me that genuine and real friendship is really all the world needs. My friends are my siblings and it doesn’t really matter what womb they decided to jump out from. Sam and Tee have the type of relationship I’ve always prayed and longed to have. Knowing that no matter the situation, you always have someone to fall back on and gives you the best typa support ever. Their friendship is so amazing it influences the relationship between their spouses.

Kerry the drama Queen😂I love you and everything you represent. You’re a good example of not letting what you’ve been through affect you hence you share your love to whoever comes through and family is important❤I understand it now.

Sam;the thinking head😏man of the house,you showed me how no matter you don’t get support from your family, you can and should pursue your goals and now… Forbes🙏migawwd. Thank you, I’m not letting this lesson pass me.

Dede my spirit animal😏arrghh.. You are a lot of things but selfish is not one of it. I hope to be as supportive as you are to Tee,committed as you are to Tee,giving up your dream job coz of Tomide…wow… Baby girl..you are goals..

Tomide Tee mewande😍 @chyleona and I’s husband, awa man😍 with you depicting the resilience of a strong black young African man,I finally admit there’s no wrong with a man who’s about his family first.  You represented the rear essence of a man in an African home and awarded the role total justice😭😍like have you seen how he treats Dede😭😭??

Lowla decided to touch on a range of topics marriages go through and not stick to deluding me. Topics ranging from the big change from being Miss to Mrs and how it affects/changes relationships with friends,the situation of having one person with means of income, in-law drama, not getting pregnant immediately situation,how trauma affects the family, stress/depression on men in an African situation and how it’s never really talked about(turns out it’s not a bad idea after all to seek help;it doesn’t mean you’re a weak man), placing God as the foundation in a marriage,…I just want you to know that “the reawakening” got me,if Yuno Yuno..so I choose not to talk about it…

Blah blah before I get all mushy and gist y’all the movie😭go and watch for yourself bruhhh… I was patient every Tuesday this year fam. I am proud to be amongst the Tuesday squad people💪. Go support my family @chyleona @nenemutuma @stannze @bimboademoye subscribe to our YouTube page (y’all notice how I make use of our😂)

God bless you @_lowla_dee and all you are,more greatness to come for you in Jesus name. Keep being amazing ma❤
P.s; This is not a review o cos I’m bias. I’m sorry it’s that way but that’s really how I feel about anything that’s 💯,I swear it’s so so so good,I promise. 

P,s.s; Marriage is not bad after all😖😏

Thanksgiving Chronicles; Men Cannot Be Scum.

Hey Gramfam,

It’s a new month and I decided to challenge myself into taking my personal blog seriously, hence, I embarked on this daily blog upload for the whole of December and share with y’all the stuff I’m grateful to God for. The activities/actions/people/blah blah I encountered this year and thankful for. I’m sorry but I’m going to bombard your feeds with my pictures and favourite people in the world. It’s near impossible for me to fit every single person I’ve come across here but I want you to know I love you and I’m very grateful you exist in my world and you making it perfect.

Whewww…you know that scripture which speaks “blessed are you amongst women…” Right! So it applies to me but in my case I am blessed amongst men😭😍. I am thankful to God for the gift of mendem/boys/males/ndi nwoke😂. I thank the lord for blessing me with wonderful men in my life who show me in more ways than one that “men are not actually scum” I am grateful for every gentleman in my life who have made it a point of contact of dropping me in the mendem zone, I am grateful for these men who display charisma that boasts of proper upbringing and thus I’m no longer scared for the future generation because here I see and know good men,great men,amazing husbands,awesome Fathers,leaders, purpose filled and spiritually filled men who work solely towards glorifying the Father.

Blah blah fast forward, I am grateful for the Hausa men in my life who have shown me”money no be problem😭thank you Big Guy for my potential shuga Daddies🙏. Sanu hunnay😏❤


I am grateful for the Yoruba boys dem who double as part-time Yoruba demons😍y’all really owned my heart this year😂handsome men like this with the beard gang thing. Uhumm..most times dreads😖arrghh wuna fine die na just the thing🙏I bless God for you people and giving me a year long work experience😭😂thank you for the certificate❤eshe gan!

I am thankful for the Ibo boys I encountered this year💪Igbo kweze Unu o🙌the six packs I discovered😭twas not in vain. Igbo boys that displayed the “Ego di, baby girl talk to me”😂 your days shall be long. Upcoming Oyinbo boys like this, your drive towards doubling una income was motivation to me, Chukwu gozie unu.


Arrghh, my mendem from the south side… Urhobo wado💪Itshekiri wado,I never learnt the calabar part😭I’m sincerely sorry for not learning awa language😭arrghh that Ijaw boy too😏 the thing is ehnn,thank you for existing🙌 the love is very real from this end❤

Lastly but not the least at all,I give glory to God for my men in the diaspora😭😍😍arrghh, my green card husband material 100 yards😏❤🙌🙌 Migwo💪I appreciate you very very well. Next year is fast approaching Dede,let me show you directions to my Father’s house come January. It is the least you can do after all the being single I have played all year😏😍
#AdvocateForMenCannotBeScum

#AfricanMen

#NigerianMen

#BlackGold

#Thanksgiving

#Day1

#BloggerChallenge

P.s;Yeske, I’m always almost found in the midst of men,bite me!

You saw a picture of my sister😏nope God makes no mistake, that’s my Man❤

P.s.s; I cannot put up the pictures I really want to display coz I cannot comman start fighting in the comment section with anybody’s girlfriend😔I will keep on stalking your man’s IG iyoo,best believe that!

Excuse You!

I’ve never believed the stories people say about strangers that are rather intrusive in one’s personal space till today and I mean right now.

People of God, I’ve been going through alot these past few months and I tell you being a by force big girl is not easy,one just has to always remember to “dey your own lane” as my mother puts it when advising you to cut your coat according to your material. I rounded my finals two months back and I embarked on the torturous journey of writing my project work and my guy,it has not just been OK. During this amazing journey people of Jehovah God I serve,I have learnt to embark on dry fast in order to facilitate my project work to be all smooth and lovely. Fast forward two months after,here I am still speaking English to my supervisor so he would jejely agree with me that I did not copy someone else’s work and I really do know words like “Svengali” and “equivocate”. 

Coupled with this wahala of being a by fire by force intelligent baby girl,I’ve lost a great deal of weight.I no longer qualify to be called a BBW. My outfits are ill fitting now which means I need a change of wardrobe but alas money still no dey…which brings us to the point of this story…

I left my supervisor’s office today in great spirits because I am rather convinced I would soon go back to my abroad country where I am originally from soonest. I decided to take the last vehicle available back to my Father’s house, my first mistake children of God. I still bought bread to eat by 02:00am because baby elephant has got to survive the night,the vehicle is a small cab with which the drivers squeeze the life out of people in their small aeroplane. Being a child whose mother has drilled the spirit of greeting your elders and aburos alike,naso I politely asked to sit in front with one man. I greeted him properly my mother will be proud(I do not know how to open my mouth to greet out loud but I did so today)and he came out for me to pack my body inside. Dear friend, naso I siddon and baba then made to join me and sit then said”ahhh,this your waist.. Hmm..this waist, this your waist ” I could not cry because everyone sitted in the cab decided to look at the very waist.. He continued running his big mouth saying “let me come down and stretch my legs well before joining you” all the while still looking at the very waist…

Oya time to enter back motor to embark our trip,the taxi driver decided to make my life a living hell by always changing gear which was near impossible because apparently “your lap fuu…e fuu well well, my gear no gree shift” I still endured because after all who send me make i go house late?? I decided to put on my earpiece and listen to this world people whilst trying to reply my WhatsApp chats. This not too young,not too old man sharing the seat with me then became a pain in the waist we were trying to manage. 

Baba said to me when I tapped on a friend’s display photograph “who’s that? Where are you in the picture? Ahh ahhh,this girl is fine that must be you..” I could not complain because after all na me make mistake greet for beginning. I decided to move to my Snapchat whilst viewing my Man, husband Ycee’s snap. There were some guys dancing to “Komije” yet again this rather intrusive thief of personal space tapped me to remove my earpiece and then asked “are they dancing to this song?…ohh no Sir, I am listening to the song with my earpiece ” hahaha,OK..I for say o because their movement and the sound playing in the car do not relate..blah blah blah ”  I could not handle the intrusion any longer oo,I turned off my phone and my yeye cousin Karo decided it was the best time to chat her cousin up. Now, the thing with chatting with my cousin is you won’t have any idea what’d what the chat maybe, that child can send you a thirst trap photograph now and how would I begin to explain to this man that “ahhh Sir no o..it’s not my brezz, it doesn’t even look familiar😭it’s my cousin’s own” 

The phone vibrated again,I ignored, he waited for me to pick,I waited for me to pick…two after all can play the game. He then squeezed my shoulder and said “your phone is vibrating, pick it up” Please people of the most high,who does that? In real life,I do not know this man but I think he feels we’re related😭 I picked it up o and it was a picture message from another contact of mine,from there we went to view my gallery together with him zooming in on pictures and sliding through effortlessly as he saw fit. 

Fast forward Thirty minutes later, we were almost at my destination I told the cab driver,”Uncle please I have reach..” I could not take the risk of somebody escorting me to my father’s house o biko. My by force older brother grumbled oo “ahh ahh so soon? It’s well” No o Uncle, na me and you pay transport😞 Driver o wa o biko…I got down and reference was still made to my waist😭😭

Point of this story now is,I have decided to loose weight because technically the man called me fat. I better loose the weight so I can comfortably sit in a taxi next time. I have embarked on “Operation This weight must go” that’s why oo my dear people I am having this Pawpaw for dinner and will continue the next morning…and by the way my dear friend, that’s how people are used for rituals for not minding their business…

Adiós ndi uló!!!

Happy new month too! 

#November

#Nigerian

#Weightloss

#healthyliving

My pain

You do not understand, you’re not in my shoes. You can’t know what I’m going through…
You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I cannot possibly know your pain. It’s yours, I can’t pretend I want to understand. God forbid am in your shoes..
I’m not sorry I do not know what it is to loose a child,your child… but I felt the greatest pain when my friend lost her Dad. She lost her father,friend, loved one,family… I lost an inspiration. I lost a role model. I lost a fatherly figure. I lost a mentor, a believer,a fighter,an encourager,I lost a part of my friend I can never get back… Ptff…I know it’s not comparable…
You’re right I do not know how you pass through the pain but I’m hurting too.
I feel pain in everything I do now… I feel great pain in school work because I feel I’m letting my parents down. I feel great pain when I suck at exams because I see my father hide his anxiety behind his brown eyes urging me that I can do better. I feel pain when a particular session in my school year crashes and my mother reacts by hiding her emotions knowing fully well with my present state in life I can never attain the life she wished for me,she can’t live through me. I feel pain when I see my parents pretend all is well while being almost certain that if I do not sit up I will end up in a first class bound train to fail. I feel pain when they have to put on a play to mask their disappointments in me.
I feel pain in different ways…
I feel pain when I loose my breathe and have to pretend all is okay.
I feel pain when I have blurred lines in my eyes and I have no idea where my nebulizer is or when my emergency Ventolin-tablets are suddenly missing from my wallet.
I feel pain when I can’t appreciate good smells or perfumes because not having enough oxygen would kill me.
I feel pain when I realize being alive or being dead is just a breathe away from me. I can’t get used to the fact yet that death is inevitable and sooner or much later it would be me in the casket and my best friend may or may not attend my funeral.
I feel pain when my endometriosis kicks starts every other month. Haa, you noticed the possessiveness I put before what ails me. Yes,I’ve owned it. It hurts as fuck but that’s my life.
I feel pain waking up by 04;45am short of breathe and counting down minutes before I sink into oblivion coz I know help will never come my way by that time. My family wakes by 08;00am…8’o clock is the standard time. I won’t make it… It’s scary seeing your life play out coz you never know when the announcement’s going to read 
She died peacefully in her sleep. She was 19, survived by her parents, siblings and a loving dog.
The loving dog has to be amongst my survivors you see.
I feel pain when things do not go my way. I feel pain when I feel inept and totally not in control of the situations surrounding me. I feel pain most especially when I see myself as a failure. Failure not just being a word, a noun, a condition…nah,not that type of failure.
Failure knowing I have not yet fulfilled  my supposed purpose in life.
Failure that I may never fulfill my purpose in life.
Failure in knowing I never made an impact.
Failure in realizing that if I leave this place tonight, I’m no longer certain what list I’m gonna make it to.
Failure that I never touched anybody. I didn’t leave a special mark,particular word, certain living pattern in which I can be remembered for.
Failure is my pain. Failure restricts me. I’m pained I will be a failure so I do not bother trying. This is not my cry for help yet but please… Help me!..please..
I’ve failed, I’m in pains. I’ve failed myself, I am pain and most importantly I’ve failed you…I will ever be pained…
So you’re wrong this time,I am in pain(s). I understand what you’re going through. I am in your shoes albeit a different shoe size. I’m just experiencing in a different way and it’s still is horrible.

I am Depressed. I am my pain…